While plowing through the 10,016 unread e-mails in my inbox, I stumbled across an message from a media company that I applied to months back.

By government standards, I am unemployed. However, as a journalist I’m allowed to exercise creative license and say that I am an independent contractor or (my favorite) “an entrepreneur”.

In addition to keeping the hustle alive, I still surf the internet for work.

New recession rule of thumb, if you don’t hear from a job within 6 weeks of applying it’s just understood that the job probably isn’t going to be yours. You’d think that technology would make it easier for them to send a rejection letter but due to the high volume of applicant most places aren’t even doing that courtesy anymore.

Funny, there was once a time if you didn’t hear back in two weeks, you’d impatiently call to ask what’s up. There was also a time when people sent hand written “Thank You” cards. Ahhh memories…

Back to the e-mail.

I was prepared for a “So sorry, you’re great but NO” message. What I read instead pissed me off:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carol XXXXXXX                                                                   Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 2:09 PM

To: chloe.hilliard@gmail.com

Dear Chloe,

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to interview you for the position of Sr. Editor at our company.

It is always difficult to choose among the many candidates whom we interview.  After careful consideration, we cannot offer you a position at this time.  We will however, maintain your resume in our active files and will contact you should the need for further interviews arise.

Again, we thank you for your interest in our company and wish you every success.

Sincerely,

Carol

Director of Human Resources

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

chloe.hilliard@gmail.com <chloe.hilliard@gmail.com> Tue, Sep 15, 2009 at 1:19 PM

To: Carol XXXXXXX

Sorry for my delay in responding. I’ve been traveling but found this in my in box.

I was never interviewed for the position.

I submitted my resume and never got a call back.

Perhaps you sent me this in error. I hope that I wasn’t supposed to be interviewed and was never given the opportunity.

That would have been very unfortunate.

- CH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carol XXXXXXX Tue, Sep 15, 2009 at 1:28 PM

To: chloe.hilliard@gmail.com

Thanks Chloe.  I’m not sure what happened here.  I believe it was sent in error.

My apologies,

Carol XXXXXXX

Director of Human Resources

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What pisses me off about this e-mail isn’t that I didn’t get the job. I understand that I’m not only competing with my peers but countless other media professionals who are now in the same pool as I am.

What really grinds my gears, you wonder?

1 – Someone screwed up and it wasn’t me.

2 – There’s a chance that I should have been interviewed

For argument sakes (and the point I’m trying to make with this) say that I was on the list to be interviewed. If this happened to me, how many others does it happen to?

This got me to thinking, what can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

• Deliver all resumes in person on scented paper with a $20 Starbucks card attached
• Call every 3^rd day after submission to ensure that my application is being moved along
• Get an after-hours cleaning job, be assigned to the office of the potential place of employment and check the waste baskets to make sure my -ish ain’t in there
• Befriend every HR staffer. Start by showering them with a gift basket of Hanes her Way, the Ped Egg, Victoria Secret body spray and DVDs of 27 Dresses, Pretty Woman and The Notebook.
• Submit a video resume of me sitting in an interview suit in my office going down the line of all my places of employment (in order for this to work I need to buy a suit. No, I don’t own one.)

What are you going to do to stand out from estimated 15 million unemployed Americans?

- CH

The recession has people thinking on their feet.

Who says you need a computer or video camera to become a internet sensation.

Just head on down to your nearest Apple Store, plant yourself in front of a computer and make your own little slice of history.

Seriously, the Apple Store has a policy of not kicking people off machines unless they stink, argue or damage property.

After seeing Ms Charlette, they might want to revisit that.

- CH

I think I’m on the path to discovering “my life’s work”.

How about you?

Can someone please tell me why these people are mad?

Haven’t they watched SICKO? Well maybe their Senators should hold a town hall meeting where they watch the Michael Moore documentary about health insurance in America and let see if they continue to bitch and moan about Prez Obama’s proposed reform.

I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of the bill that is on the table but I do know I need cheaper health care.

After being laid off in December, I opted to continue my health care coverage. If it wasn’t for Obama offering economic assistance for COBRA users I could not afford my health plan. The 65% reduction was just what I needed.

Don’t be fooled, I am a journalist but the well is drying up. My peers and I talk about how bad it is. Some of us have had to move, others are working jobs they would have laughed out just six months ago and some are getting in on the system. Even I’ve considered going down to get food stamps.

When it comes to health care, it’s something that I can’t afford to be without. It’s also something that I can’t afford to pay for each month as an independent journalist.

Seeing these people go ape shit over a health care plan that wants to treat everyone fair and equal further proves that

1 – People love to yell and scream

2 – We are a selfish country

3 – Senior Citizens think the government is out to kill them

4 – Most Americans have no idea what the reform really entails

To debunk these myths and fears, the white house launched http://www.whitehouse.gov/realitycheck. I suggest you check it out.

Perhaps if Prez Obama created another 30 minute long commercial that aired on all channels explaining his plan, Americans will get it. I suggest he enlists the creators of School House Rock to direct the spot. I envision little pills and syringes dancing on an examination table singing along about the virtues of a better health care system. Don’t act like you wouldn’t watch. How many of us today only know what a bill is because of this:

I’m telling you, animation and a cute song will win everyone over.

- CH

(Confession: It’s been so long since I posted anything on this site that I actually forgot my password. Shameful!)

But even by more stringent standards of fun, the coming year looks pretty good. Ms. Eisenlord, 36, who works in Skadden’s banking group, will be buying a plane ticket that will take her around the world for a year, and she’s been stocking her apartment in Brooklyn with Lonely Planet travel guides.

Although she’s not yet sure exactly what she’ll be doing on her trip, she has some ideas. She would like to teach English to monks in Sri Lanka and possibly help bring solar power to remote parts of the Himalayas. She’ll probably hit 10 to 15 destinations around the world, most likely practicing not-for-profit law wherever she can be helpful.

The best part of all: Skadden is paying her about $80,000 to do it.

For a sixth-year associate at a New York law firm, $80,000 isn’t exactly competitive pay. But for someone cruising around the world, doing good wherever she sees fit and, let’s face it, probably hitting a beach or two, the pay is excellent.

Only in a financial world turned upside down would an arrangement like this one make sense. Looking to cut costs like everyone else, but not prepared to lay off associates, Skadden has chosen instead to offer all of its associates — about 1,300 worldwide — the option of accepting a third of their base pay to not show up for work for a year. (So far, the partners have no equivalent arrangement.)

[Read Full Story Here]