While plowing through the 10,016 unread e-mails in my inbox, I stumbled across an message from a media company that I applied to months back.

By government standards, I am unemployed. However, as a journalist I’m allowed to exercise creative license and say that I am an independent contractor or (my favorite) “an entrepreneur”.

In addition to keeping the hustle alive, I still surf the internet for work.

New recession rule of thumb, if you don’t hear from a job within 6 weeks of applying it’s just understood that the job probably isn’t going to be yours. You’d think that technology would make it easier for them to send a rejection letter but due to the high volume of applicant most places aren’t even doing that courtesy anymore.

Funny, there was once a time if you didn’t hear back in two weeks, you’d impatiently call to ask what’s up. There was also a time when people sent hand written “Thank You” cards. Ahhh memories…

Back to the e-mail.

I was prepared for a “So sorry, you’re great but NO” message. What I read instead pissed me off:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carol XXXXXXX                                                                   Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 2:09 PM

To: chloe.hilliard@gmail.com

Dear Chloe,

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to interview you for the position of Sr. Editor at our company.

It is always difficult to choose among the many candidates whom we interview.  After careful consideration, we cannot offer you a position at this time.  We will however, maintain your resume in our active files and will contact you should the need for further interviews arise.

Again, we thank you for your interest in our company and wish you every success.

Sincerely,

Carol

Director of Human Resources

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

chloe.hilliard@gmail.com <chloe.hilliard@gmail.com> Tue, Sep 15, 2009 at 1:19 PM

To: Carol XXXXXXX

Sorry for my delay in responding. I’ve been traveling but found this in my in box.

I was never interviewed for the position.

I submitted my resume and never got a call back.

Perhaps you sent me this in error. I hope that I wasn’t supposed to be interviewed and was never given the opportunity.

That would have been very unfortunate.

- CH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carol XXXXXXX Tue, Sep 15, 2009 at 1:28 PM

To: chloe.hilliard@gmail.com

Thanks Chloe.  I’m not sure what happened here.  I believe it was sent in error.

My apologies,

Carol XXXXXXX

Director of Human Resources

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What pisses me off about this e-mail isn’t that I didn’t get the job. I understand that I’m not only competing with my peers but countless other media professionals who are now in the same pool as I am.

What really grinds my gears, you wonder?

1 – Someone screwed up and it wasn’t me.

2 – There’s a chance that I should have been interviewed

For argument sakes (and the point I’m trying to make with this) say that I was on the list to be interviewed. If this happened to me, how many others does it happen to?

This got me to thinking, what can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

• Deliver all resumes in person on scented paper with a $20 Starbucks card attached
• Call every 3^rd day after submission to ensure that my application is being moved along
• Get an after-hours cleaning job, be assigned to the office of the potential place of employment and check the waste baskets to make sure my -ish ain’t in there
• Befriend every HR staffer. Start by showering them with a gift basket of Hanes her Way, the Ped Egg, Victoria Secret body spray and DVDs of 27 Dresses, Pretty Woman and The Notebook.
• Submit a video resume of me sitting in an interview suit in my office going down the line of all my places of employment (in order for this to work I need to buy a suit. No, I don’t own one.)

What are you going to do to stand out from estimated 15 million unemployed Americans?

- CH

A few weeks ago I attended an industry event. I know, the term “industry event” sounds very vague and exciting. It’s not.

If you work in the media biz in NYC there’s bound to be at least 2-4 industry events a week. Once the weather gets warmer that number goes up to 5-7. Most times you find yourself hitting up 2 or 3 different events a night.

The purpose of these events can be a new campaign launch, album/movie release, publication anniversary, a gallery opening, blah, blah, blah. Attendees are always the same: publicists, writers, tv folks, radio folks, marketing folks, those who you have no idea what they do folks.

I walk into this event for a new phone. Immediately, I ran into the regulars (think Cheers where everyone is glad you came and welcome you like they didn’t just see you the night before). The event was stacked with 2 open bars, food out the wazoo and great gift giveaways.

The gifts weren’t for everyone. You needed a black ticket and only one man was giving them out. I walked over to him and asked for a ticket (with the tix you got to pick from 3 gift options).

“Hello, I was told I need to see you about a gift ticket.”

“Yes, they are only for media.”

“Ok, I’m a journalist.”

He didn’t come up off a ticket. I think he gave me a once over before saying:

“Where do you work?”

Here…we…go!

How could I explain to him that being a journalist doesn’t mean you have an employer or an business card to flash. Being a journalist, especially in today’s market, can very well mean you work for yourself. Does that not qualify as holding a job?

I returned to the freelance market in December and have clocked in more hours building a web presence (3 websites, 2 twitter accounts, a radio show, web video series…) than I did when I was working for the man. There’s no way I can say all that in one sentence.

Sadly, people haven’t moved past word association.

You can’t say, “I’m a social media marketer” or “I build websites” or “I’m Diddy’s Tweet writer”. Respect for new media and self-employment hasn’t swept the nation yet.

Folks still want to hear “I work at [insert name of nearly washed up magazine/newspaper/radio or tv station here].”

Dude wasn’t trying to hear my diatribe about what I consider “work”.

Motivated by the free gifts (they were really good) I pulled a publication name from my ass and walked away with my ticket. I don’t condone such behavior but it was worth my spa gift certificate.

- ch

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